A shaman’s path isn’t an easy path. I can say from my own life experiences and recovered black out memories that my path started very young. I can remember playing outside watching portals opening in the woods. Those portals where cosmic voids as if beings where speaking to me. I could remember hugging my knees to my chest screaming at the endlessness to those voids that entered my world instantaneously. Over time they turned into dreams, into nightmares, and ultimately into darkness. A refusal of the call had happened.

I tried pharmaceuticals, endured therapy, counseling, while also being very cautious of spiritual communities. I spent years as a teenager trying to hide my inner knowing which turned into vast amounts of anxiety, stress, and untimely depression with suicidal attempts. My most treasured gift was my invisibility. I could hide my symptoms, pain, and sorrow from anyone in my life. Leaving me to shut out my gifts entirely out of mistrust for myself and the world. I attracted people in a lot of pain and suffering to amplify my own inner cry. The beautiful thing about this path is that help always appears when you’re about to be swallowed up by your cycle again. But you must choose the accept the help.

The help can be spiritual assistance, or it could be a friend or lover. For me it was my husband that helped me feel important again. To gain my confidence that I wasn’t a bad person, I was a bright light that was caked up with mud from my own distaste for life. Every time I got up the path got harder. It seems unfair to say it like that, but I can tell you now looking back that it was building my stamina on this path. I disliked the words like shaman, healer, wounded healer, seer, and psychic.  As I resisted more the path got harder. Hardships piled up over time and sometimes erupting in an explosion of problems. The stamina continued to build. I was without a guide or mentor for a long time. Trying to look around each corner before I took it in hopes another problem wouldn’t arise.

When I was about to give up on life again the next initiation happened, a fire being within the Earth threw me into a trance. A trance where I was paralyzed in my physical body while moving through time space with all of my senses. A fire being approached me telling me the name of my first Shaman teacher. When I found her, I had no idea what a Shaman was, except that was who she was. A very relaxed and playful person with depth and wisdom. Curiosity struck me like of jolt of remembering.

My path started to get lighter with problems until I needed to shift again. Shifting is a way of saying “letting go completely and surrendering to what is”. It’s between giving up and standing up. Every time I got comfortable the path tightened and I was shoved into another birth cycle. Each cycle made me reclaim the whispers of my soul and bear witness to the pain and sorrow that has been endured. My levels of extreme experiences led me to realize that I have a choice in all of this. I can choose to live the cycles of extreme or I can fall into the experience of the soul. To fall into the experience of the soul is falling with little resistance, the need to know, or the desire to be anything but my soul. It takes a lot to fall, and I still fight it today. As the ego sinks it teeth into its needs and desires, your fall is a bit harder until you surrender.

Each time I felt I knew enough, the rug would be taken out from underneath me. Humbling myself each time with “you don’t know what you don’t know” with an extra “who cares if you know or don’t know!” Because in the end of the day the ego wants and the soul just is. I found myself in opportunities with more teachers, mentors, and shamans. All offering another way to remember my knowing and reclaim it in this lifetime. It’s a path that feels natural. A path that I cannot not afford to be off it! Integrity, honesty, fearlessness, humble, and curious are the codes I live by. I cannot be something I am not. But as humans we reject who we are far too often out of fear, pain, and humiliation. We reject our soul.

This is my path as a shaman. I still slightly cringe using that word as many have been raised in blood lineages and tribes that fully embrace and honor what comes with their lineage. But words are words at the end of the day. At the end of the day we cast them into the fire and only the light and smoke is left in the night sky. I sat with an indigenous shaman once who said “we are all now indigenous as we have all lived lives as brother and sister across the fire of both ceremony and war.” I sat in silence taking in the multi-dimensional image explode while hearing the cry from my heart. But here I stand, born into a white body living on the east coast of America. We have so much hurt to move through in humanity, and many don’t know how to speak of it let alone feel through it.

So I write this more for myself than for my readers. At some point in your life you have to smack yourself across the face and realize you’re a soul living a temporary, but extremely gifted, experience. I ask the question “what is my soul here to express and learn in this life?” and then I allow the path to unfold. I choose to walk it. I choose to devote to it. I choose to listen, to learn, to love, and to experience it all over again.

I look at our youth, the state of humanity, and the state of mind we are in as a collective and something must shift. I can’t shift it on my own but what I can do is shift myself to hold a greater space of compassion, love, and humility. That is my path, that is what I walk, and so be it

About the Author Sarah Breen

Sarah Breen, the Earth School Shaman, is a Shamanic Energy Medicine Healer specializing in opening one to LIVE their Medicine. Through wisdom teachings, Sarah embodies the medicine path of remaining a clear container for the souls’ expression with each client, student, and group she comes together with. She has been initiated with a variety of shamanic-based teachings such as Toltec, Andean, and of the Americas, anchoring herself into her own medicine of the ancestors. With over 16+ years of experience and certified as a Shamanic Energy Medicine Practitioner, Yuen Practitioner, Reiki Master, Shamanic Lightworker, International Best-Selling Author, Integrative Healer, and Ordained Minister for Life and Death rites of initiation. She is also a known as the Crystal Skull Shaman and Shadow Walker; one who has experienced the depth of her own and humanity's shadow and can walk safely between the world with love and compassion. She is devoted to the Shamanic practices as a full-time mesa carrier and lives embracing the ancestor’s wisdom teachings. A passionate animal lover and mother of 2 young boys, she understands that all that we do today affects our children (hands and paws) tomorrow. Ultimately gifting our children that which we do not resolve today.

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